Running Through It

The last three weeks have brought with it a combination of modeling work, commercial sets, road trips, running and emotional hardships. So today I did what I do to distress and clear my head – I went for a run.

While I am always thankful for work (even the work I dislike), today was my second day off in three weeks. Yes, it has been a profitable three weeks, but one of little sleep, minimal socialization, and rest from running – for the most part. I felt myself slowly growing insane.

On top of that, my grandfather went into the hospital today and his health has been on something of a roller coaster these last few weeks. There were also two personal issues weighing heavy on me, and I had found myself to be an emotional basket-case, always 10 seconds away from welling up into tears.

So today I put on my shoes and headed to Central Park to attempt a 15 mile run. Between my nagging leg and my broken emotions, I didn’t know what to expect. As I stretched, I felt edgy, nauseous, and spastic. I immediately told myself to try to channel and control my body, and to resist the urge of charging out the gate like a mad-woman running wild by emotion.

My leg wasn’t without pain as I ran, but it also wasn’t unmanageable. In fact, it wasn’t even an issue. Yes, I felt it, but it was minimal and seemed miniscule compared to the emotional and mental pain I was slowly starting to process and clarify as I ran.

The sky was gray, and a light drizzle of rain fell on my face at times. It was as though Mother Nature and I were experiences the same pain. I did my best to hold back tears, as sobbing while running is not only embarrassing, but also very difficult to manage.

As I walked away from Central Park, having completed 15.5 miles at a 7:52 pace, I felt oddly calm. I was happy with my run, considering my state, but I also walked away feeling like a lonely soldier. When I am running, I am home. And no stress, lack of sleep, or sense of loss in my life can ever take that away from me. I find that comforting.

Here are the running details, in case you are interested.


~ by Elizabeth on August 13, 2011.

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